Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
