listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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