Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
