You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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