And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
