Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Randomize
