Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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