i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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