Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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