She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
