Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
