final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
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I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
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I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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