Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize