You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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