We're like a lot better than the average bears
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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