He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
