just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
