If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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