i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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