If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
