We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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