Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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