moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
