Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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