puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
