I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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