I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
