Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
