Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
