Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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