its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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