I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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