I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
