she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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