I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
