I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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