I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
