You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
