Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
