She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
