ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
