my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
