when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
