Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
