she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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