Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
