Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
drinking out of a sandbucket again
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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