I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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