Soap is not a condiment
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
