I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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