u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
