I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
