lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
