this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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