Soap is not a condiment
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
