cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize