I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
