Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
