I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
