Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
