she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Who died my cat blue again?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
