I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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