my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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