Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
3pm strippers are depressing
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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