My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
