Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
