Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
is wine microwaveable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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