Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
