FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
