Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
