had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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