im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Never let your siblings swipe right.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
