What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
