Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
