My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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