he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
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Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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