I'm lost and stupid without you.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i came on her dog
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
